It's going...

Well I've been in rehab for well over 30 days, and I'm staying officially for a full 60 days. Nov 20th is my release date.

I didn't realise that I was quite so fucked up. Thank you to all of you who sent in comments via my blog. They really help cheer me up, and make me realise that I can do this.

The last two or three weeks have definitely been harder, when I first came in, they'd give me half dosages of the pills that I was regularly taking, but then it was done. That's when the mood swings, depression, shakes, the aches, the headaches, runny nose, and the vomiting really started.

I'm not quite sure how I went from this happy go lucky, party girl, to this completely screwed up pill addict. I seem to have swapped one addiction for another. I'm glued to the tv now about this whole upcoming election. It's just so exciting. I'm waiting on the Obama commercial coming up in moments.

I've had to keep a written journal - that's so much harder for me than typing, however, as they make me delve deeper, it's been kinda scary, insightful, and plain fucked up, when I've had to read it back a week later.

Nichole has been visiting me a lot, and taking part in a lot of therapy sessions with me. My family also flew in last week and spent an entire week doing rehab with me. That was enough to make me want to kill myself for getting into this situation. When your dad looks at you, and shakes his head, and tells you he's very, very disappointed in you, well that makes every little girl just shake in her boots.

Please keep posting comments ;-) I really appreciate it.

Ugghh..

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Fucked up.

So, I've been a bit out of control lately. I don't think working or hanging out at strip clubs is in my best interests. I've developed a liking for too much booze and too many drugs. Prescription drugs, coke, weed, X, pretty much it's all available in large amounts, and I don't seem to have an off switch.

I think forcing myself to write all this stuff down will help.

I'm fucking up every relationship I've ever had. My family has lost all respect for me and are this close to doing an intervention. Today is day 2 drug free, but I'm not sure I can do it on my own. When I look in the mirror I don't see a difference in my looks, but my friends tell me that I'm starting to look worse for wear, and even looked better when I was doing chemo. Now that's a shock.

Nichole moved back in, and then within days moved back out. I don't blame her. Her husband and I got in a huge fight on Wednesday night, and she had to drive home to break it up. He took offense to me having drug dealers at the house. I guess if I was clean and sober, I'd see his point.

I've fucked up our house having huge parties & she's the one who gets to come over and fix it all up. I've really got to grow the fuck up. I'm 37 and act like I'm 17.

I can't have a serious relationship with anyone, because as soon as we start to get close, I freak out and book out of there faster than a speeding bullet.

Nichole..

Where to start.. Nichole we're cousins & I miss you. I'm godmother to your children & I haven't seen them or you in over a year. I know that I was shitty and out of order, and I totally should NOT have done what I did. There's 6 of us, and you & I are the only two out of the whole family who are freaking normal. There's so much to tell you, and I want you to unblock my email handles so that I can send you a proper email. I don't really want to type it all out in a blog.

I'm in the process of adopting my youngest sisters child (and last I heard she was dancing at The Gentleman's Gold Club in Balt)... but I took him away from her when he was a baby, and I haven't sold the house but we really need to talk about it. The other sister is currently back home with dad, and bro is in Barcelona for the summer.

I'd love you to come by the club, when I'm not training I'm in my office, and we really really really need to sort everything out. Are you home for good? Are you here by yourself? Have you talked to your sister? Where are you living? Love you Jules.

Rab?

Rab, as in HI Rab? Actually even if you're not who I think you might be, can you please email me, because I'd like to thank you for the gift card. Unfortunately Amazon.com doesn't disclose your email address to me. If this is who I think it is, wow, it's been a very long time, and I'm thrilled to hear from you.

MsJulie_2001@yahoo.com

WOW!

So does anyone actually realise how good they feel until they've been sick? On Saturday morning I felt like my throat was getting sore, by dinner time, I was freezing cold, feeling miserable, and my throat ached everytime I swallowed. Today (Wednesday) is the first time I've gotten dressed since Saturday, and I've yet to leave the house. I've had the sweats, the chills, the pooping constantly - in fact I lost 2lbs from eating nothing but smoothies from Robeks, and tomato cup-a-soup. My head has felt like it's been in a vice grip, and generally I feel like I've been hit by a two ton truck. Not fun at all - and it was friggin Memorial Day weekend!! All my friends were out partying it up like rockstars, but not me. POUT!

For some stupid bloody reason, I don't have a primary care dr - so I decided 3 days in, that after using every single thing from CVS in the cold/flu/sinus dept - and boy do I mean everything (I'm surprised I didn't overdose accidentally, with the amount of drugs I forced down my throat) that I'd look around for some antibiotics. I finally found some amoxicillin, only it had expired two years previously. I figured that this kinda stuff doesn't really "expire", and that just in case, I'd double up on the dosage. Anyway, either those, or the rest, musta finally done the trick, because when I woke up this evening, I actually could swallow without hurting, and the back of my neck and my whole head had finally quit pounding.

Anyway, Greg I'm so sorry about not making it out to Tysons to see you, but I actually didn't think of you or anyone else for the last 5 days.

Of course, everytime I woke up, the sun was splitting the sky, and all I could think about was the million and one things I really should be doing, that I wasn't. The moral of the story is, I'm now going to be more appreciative of the little things in life - like not shitting while wrapped up in 5 blankets and a down jacket, and 15 minutes later feeling like I'm going through the change of life, and sweating my ass off!!

Baltimore

I spent all day and night hanging out in Baltimore this past Saturday. That in of itself is kinda weird for me, because I've always been much more of the DC girl. I have to say though, I had tons of fun. Two of my girlfriends had me meet up with them at this Flower Mart festival right under the George Washington monument - totally can't remember the name of the area - Mt Vernon I think? Before hitting that though, another friend is a dating some guy in a band, so I met up with her in Canton at The Austin Grill, and we drank ourselves silly on Red Bull bombs, and margaritas. It was cinco de mayo and they had a long line up of entertainment. My fucking Irish lilly white skin took quite a beating from being out in the bloody sun all day long.

Right around 2ish, I called this cute little single subbie dude that I haven't seen in at least two years to come meet me - I didn't want to drive drunk around the city after all ;-) He made it out, and we went up to Mt Vernon to meetup with my other girlfriends.

They had bands performing on 3 stages all day long, and of course my girlfriends just kept plying me with Boordy Vineyard wine, and sangria. Let's call the little subbie "dave", well Dave enamoured us so much that we decided to keep him a bit longer than I'd originally intended, so when all the bands had wound up, we drug him over to a friends condo - she has the most amazing place that looks out over the square with the monument - fabulous high ceilings, and the biggest floor to ceiling windows with gorgeous crown moldings everywhere.

We took Dave inside, while we sent her boyfriend, and the guys from the band off to find parking for all of our cars - that's the downside to living in the city - there's never any bloody parking. I'd been fucking with Dave all day, and I'm surprised that he hadn't blown a load in his pants several times that afternoon, but when I forced him to strip in front of 5 women, he literally came just as his pants hit the floor. Being that he's only 25, three little sentences from me, whispered in his ear, had him standing at attention again in no time flat... and then we really had some fun!!

It's sad, but true, that when I drink, I really become much more sexual than I am already - if you can believe that :-) I was kinda/sorta wet all day long, but with the booze on top of it all, when I took my panties off, and inserted my finger up my pussy, it came out soaking wet, and creamy. I also totally get off on having my girlfriends there watching, laughing, and seeing them get turned on by what I'm doing, or what I'm making "Dave" do.

I told the girls that we were all going to take turns, and that they should "watch" and then follow what I did. I ordered Dave to lay down on the living room floor, I then sat right down on his face, and rode it hard, until I was shuddering my way through my 3rd straight orgasm. Before I'd came for the 2nd time, Dave had blown yet another load, all over his belly, and my ass crack. The girls couldn't wait to take their turns, and were outta their outfits before I even climbed off Dave's face. Dave to his credit, came a whopping 4 times total that evening, and the night had barely begun!

The band boys rang one of our cells and interrupted, telling us to come downstairs, because we were headed out - they took us to Brewers Art, which was nearby the Hippo from what I remember - I of course just wanted to go to the Hippo, and pick up lesbians, and bi-sexual men, but the band guys were so not into that, (???!!!!) and by the time we got to Brewers Art, two of my more "normal" girlfriends had joined us. I sent Dave home after we'd eaten dinner, my attention span had waned, and I was ready for a "virgin" - I just love it when some straight guy hooks up with me, and then is all totally freaked the fuck out by what I wanna do!

From there we went to the 13th floor of some hotel - which I totally can't remember, and I salsa danced the night away with various men - all of latin origin, and sobered myself up by downing large volumes of water. Anyway, my whole point to all of this is that I had myself quite a fun time in Baltimore, and may just have to go back again this weekend! Any subs from the Baltimore area? Got any recommendations of where to go?

Back from N.C

I'm completely back in MD, my house after all this time has not sold, so I yanked it off the market. I'm tired of signing contracts, and then having their financing falling through, and me getting my hopes up. This housing market sucks. Bush Sucks. The economy sucks.

Maybe it's meant to be my house. Maybe moving away and quitting this lifestyle was the wrong thing for me. I've loved this house since I first laid eyes on it all those years ago. Just four years after first laying my eyes on that house, it was up for sale, and I got it! In between those 4 years, I met a girl in a bar in Baltimore, and a few weeks of hanging out with her, she asked me if I wanted to come to her parents house for dinner - and guess where the house was? It kinda had to be fate.

So if it's meant to be, and I'm meant to be here, in my house, then why the hell is everything broken?? I came home the other week to that 80 - 90 degree weather, and my A/C wouldn't work. Coming from Ireland, I can't stand it being so warm! The only way I can handle the heat is floating around in a pool, or having my air set on 68 degrees!! So in addition to the A/C being broken, the pipes which go from the swimming pool filter to the pool heater, were completely broken. I'd left the rolled up solar blanket on top of it, but d'oh, I didn't think about all the snow and rain piling up on it, so it got too heavy and broke them. I of course didn't realise and when I went to backwash, and clean up the water, I got totally friggin soaked - there was gallons of water shooting everywhere! It was kinda hilarious.

One of the barn doors won't open, and 3 of my bedroom windows will not open either! I need a slave to make phone calls because I can't be arsed, and I need a margarita just thinking about it all! Since I've been home, (and my house is pretty much empty) I've been pining away for my dungeon. I'd sold, or given away almost all of my stuff before I moved to the beach, but being back in this house gets me so damn horny. I think about all the kinky things I've done in this house, especially down in the basement, and I swear to God, I've masturbated more in the last week and a half than I did during the whole time I was gone at the beach.

Hmmmmm...margarita or masturbate?

MsJulie.com

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Beach Bumming

Well I'm living AT the beach, not ON the beach, but at the beach in NC. I had planned to be here for just the summer - then realised that the summer is more than half way done, so I'll have to re-evaluate my plans.

I unfortunately do NOT have WI FI access unless I trot downtown to the library (I'm trying to avoid starbucks, because I'd pile on a pound a week drinking those raspberry frappachinos) and it's always filled with little 12 year old gangs of giggling schoolgirls. There's just something about writing in my blog surrounded by children that gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I've been spending all my time reading about the history of the United States - quite a short read on all angles, and watching Mad Money with Jim Cramer. I now own some stocks in Caterpillar, and wish I'd had enough money to buy Apple.

I have to drive back up to MD in about 10 days to finalize some stuff with my house, and can't wait to see my friends - on one hand I'm very independant, and love being on my own, but I don't think I actually have ever CRAVED company, like I'm currently craving it.

SO, that's about it - keep sending me email - msjulie_2001@yahoo.com

Canes, panties and high heels, oh my..

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I've changed the title twice... you should probably read this post.

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ok, I know this is so not a daily thing

I've had nothing but issues for weeks now. If it's not something around my house, it's getting stranded in the snow at 1am in a parking lot with NO ONE else around, or having my server crash and losing my "life book". The last one is probably the worse. I can't imagine what access, not to mention fucking control of my life the person has who finds it. Every password, login info, bill payment schedule & account #'s, tax stuff, warranty information, business cards & addresses, diary, schedule, to do lists that I've ever made in the last 10 years literally, were in that book. (Actually it was a huge hunking 3 ring binder, that I somehow lost/misplaced).

The ironic part of all this is that since I've been on Ritalin, I've actually never been more organized, on time, focused, and way less ditzy that I've ever been... I've also been sooooo mellow & less "impulsive" than I normally am!

Blogger has migrated to a new system, which I had to spend hours figuring out before I could even post! What I need most of all is to relieve some stress, and blow off some steam. I'm actually thinking that at the end of February I'm going to take a trip down to North Carolina to look at a few houses, and then to Florida to check out a neighbourhood or two there. Anyone want to show me around?

I'm in desperate need of some relief if you know what I mean ;-) Even talking dirty by phone would work at this point! I've been so horny all week, must be this cold weather doing strange things to my twat!

BTW -- if you are emailing me, make sure you send it to msjulie_2001@yahoo.com -- because my main email address is completely spammed out!!! Oh and I'm watching Dateline right now - this huge fat guy whose handle is twink toilet who wants young boys to piss on him, is crying about how it was all a fantasy. I'm all for fantasy obviously, and pissing on people, BUT, come on... how many of you are actually into underage teens and would get in your car to go meet one?

Oh and I want to know who sent me the book from amazon.com ?? ADD & Organization - I really appreciate it ;-) and would like to at least be able to chat to you in person to say thanks - so send me an e-mail, or post a comment here!

3 slaves, Ritalin & Oral worship....

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Not very sexy...

Hey guys, well it's been a while! What can I say. I got out of hospital finally just before the Xmas holidays, but have had to go back 5 days a week for therapy on my hand and my hip. I am now going just twice a week, and hope to have that finished up by the end of February.

The gym has held my job open for me, and I am there part time, however, I'm still not able to teach spinning classes because as of yet the flexibility in my hip isn't back. I am working out again with hand weights, and have more of a problem with gripping "smaller" items.. I still don't have full range of motion, but apparantly when the tendons are completely healed, I'll be back to normal! Well as normal as I can be...

My clients have been amazing - people were making me meals, driving me back and forth to the hospital, coming by to walk MY dogs, and doing my laundry!!

I've gained some weight (YUCK) in my mid section, and really miss being energetic. I've gone from burning 4000 cals a day, to eating sometimes more than half that!!

Anyway, it's time for me to dust off my leather thigh high boots, slip on a leather mini skirt & halter top, and practice my whipping skills. I'm ready to return to being a full time pro-domme! There's something about a new year, a new you, and the promise of fuller, more engaging life, to get you motivated. Not to mention coming close to death yet again. When I laid in the hospital, all I could think about was, how for the last two years or more, even though I enjoy being at the gym, I never meant it to turn into this full time job that encompasses all of my time.

I went from being a part time trainer, to getting qualified to teach spinning, and then got certified in a few more strength classes, took on even more clients, and then, was asked to be the director of all the fitness programs at the gym! This meant I had to work out everyone's schedules, keep things fun, and running on time, and do all the other stuff I was doing.

My outside interests (horse riding, domination, sex, dancing, reading, hiking, hanging out with friends, computer time etc.,) all got pushed to the back burner, and because there are not enough hours in the day ~ I never even really gave them a second thought!

I have really really missed doing the website thing - I miss not having that creative part of me come out through my writing, and telling you how, and what you should be doing, to improve yourself as a sexually submissive male, who may or may not be worthy of attention. I miss tapping into that kinky sexual side of me, and relaying all those god awful, but sometimes hilarious dates that I used to go on. I miss sharing some femdom oriented porn with you, and have disks full that I've never got around to posting.

SO... those were my new year "thoughts" or resolutions -- what were yours?

Updates...

Hey guys I just wanted to give you a quick update. I'm still one handed, and had surgery ~ I have to have some more on Sunday cause one injury on my forearm was still infected (yuck) - my hand surgery went well, and my leg is healing very well. I'm doing therapy twice a day, and will hopefully get released Monday afternoon, as long as everything goes well Sunday.

I've just started walking with the aid of a walker, or while on the treadmill, a harness kinda thing - it's so good to get out of the fucking bed! Now however, they have me on pyshillium husks - and they're huge, and i have to take like 6 of them a day to help me poop (boy I've sure never had a problem in that dept before!!!) I have to have therapy in the am and after dinner for 2 hours each, so afternoons I've been dozing a lot more, cause I'm beat!

I can't WAIT to get out of here, and get home. Thanks to those of you who logged onto SKYPE and messaged me to chat, I've been bored out of my mind.

Peter - re Paris, I don't think I'll be able to go, I've actually had my friend Lisa see about transferring my air tickets to her, and I've had her call my family to say that I don't think I'll be able to get there for Xmas because they think in about 3 weeks, I'll just start to be able to walk using a cane around then. They said I could be on that for as little as two weeks, to as much as 6 months. Knowing me, and my personality, I'll be aiming to be running again by January 1st.

Anyway, I can't believe that it's already the end of November or that Xmas is just around the corner. Xmas is my favourite holiday of the whole year, I love the whole "Santa" concept, and the decorations, the beautiful real tree, and the roaring fire, and the smells outside, and the bright white fairy lights everywhere.. it's soooo romantic, and just a really timeless classic kinda holiday for me. Do guys get into the holidays at all? It seems like this is probably a girly kinda of thing.

I can't wait to get back into the gym again, and see my clients ~ I bet a few of them will need to be whipped back into shape, especially with the holidays here, and it always tends to be the men who way overeat, and neglect their workout schedules... tsk tsk!!

My house is on the market and I've had a few offers, however, they want me to wait until they sell their house, before being able to pay me, and I'd rather have someone who had financing available right away. I'd like to start looking for someplace to move to right at the beginning of the new year.

What's up with all of you??? Anyone done anything kinky recently? I'm actually really horny today - must be on my way to getting better!!

Ms Julie...

Has it really become so mainstream?? Shitting in the woods, on a cop no less...

OK, would you be more worried about going into the bronx, or going into the woods at night to take a shit on a cop?? Surprisingly, it would seem the answers are split almost 50-50 !! Why is she a "former" dominatrix? Read the case here! Anyone ever heard of Angela Bella or done a session with her?

Rachael Ray's hubbie a pervert? No......don't say...

OK, she's way too fucking bubbly, and she's sooooo domesticated, and she seems so much like the cheerleader girl next door... well maybe that's the problem ~ her hubbie is apparantly paying a sex worker to spit on him, trample on him, and squish crap between her toes for him! What is the world coming to?? Ahem...

Well I'm still laid up in a hospital bed, however, I have at least been able to get out of bed over the last two days thanks to the strong arms of Josh & James my two male nurses ;-) Surgery on my hand is planned for Saturday at 4pm, so send lots of warm and fuzzy thoughts my way!!

Horrific Week...

You know how when things are going well in your life, you sorta think, wow, what's up with that? Well I musta had one of those thoughts come into my subconscience and boom, things changed drastically in an instant.

This will also probably take me a week to write because I'm doing so one-handed. So bear with me.

On Sunday I was out riding my horse on a trail about 5 miles away from my house, and a large rottweiler came out of nowhere, and attacked my horse. The horse freaked out, and leapt up, and threw me off. Once I landed on the ground, the dog then turned his attention to me, it ripped into my thigh and pelvic area, and was able to lift me off the ground and toss me around while it had it's teeth clamped down on my thigh. I hit it a few times with my hand and arm, and it dropped me, then mauled my left hand, and forearm pretty bad. Luckily for me, a very brave jogger came by after hearing my screaming and started beating the dog with a branch. Once he got the dog off me, he called 911.

About 35 minutes later I'm told the emergency service vehicles arrived and loaded me up and took me to the hospital ER. I don't remember anything except the jogger telling me that at least two arteries may have been punctured, and to lay still. I can tell you I was pretty terrified laying there, wondering if that fucking dog would come back for some more, and worrying that this guy would leave me before the ambulance got there.

I woke up about 4 hours later, all bandaged up, and in a semi-private hospital room. I haven't been able to get out of the bed since this happened, and have had a few consultations with a plastic surgeon about the damage that was done. Apparently I have tendon damage, and maybe some nerve damage. I don't know how long it will be before I can stand up, pee by myself, or dress myself. That's pretty much freaking me out. I'm so independant.

I also have to get these dressings changed twice a day - and they wouldn't stitch anything up, because of infection, so they've been bleeding constantly, and now they are oozing crap... I can't even look at it, without getting all sweaty and feeling like I'm going to throw up.

It's basically taken me all day to type this, one handed, laying on my side, with my hip and other arm elevated higher than my heart to keep the swelling down - it's almost like a yoga pose. They could tell from the bruising, the bites, and the really bad wounds that the dog was at least 100lbs - and I weigh only about 40lbs more that that. For sure nothing happens to me on the minimalist side of things, which goes along with my all or nothing personality I'm sure, but due to my cancer treatments a few years ago, I became "uninsurable", so I have no medical coverage. This is now my 4th day in the hospital. I can't imagine what this is all going to cost.

My horse made it back home, but would not let my friends get close enough to check on her injuries, so I'm not sure how she's feeling. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to call a vet to go out and check her out. Anyway, I'm bored out of my mind in here, and I can't stand staying in bed, or having to have people poke and prod me constantly. Write me! Drop me a line.

God what a busy few weeks I've had...!

Well I'm sure you're all wondering where the hell I've been! I've been extremely busy with my house, getting it fixed up -- the seals inside several of my windows had leaked, and it looked like my windows were perpetually steamed up inside the panes of glass. I needed 7 basic windows replaced, and then I have two huge, oversized windows in my front living room that had to be specially made. When they took them out, and brought the replacements, they realised they were a little off with their measurements! SO... I had two holes in the front of my house, for over a week!!! Well not exactly - they stuck some board and taped it where the windows would be!!

I also had to have my pool cleaned and closed, floors rebuffed, yards tidied up, mulched, and grass cut all over. Hmmmmm what else?? Oh yeah I've had to study for the last 3 months for my recertification on ACE as a personal trainer, group exercise trainer, and Nutritionist. I then spent a couple of days at George Washington University, getting re-certified in Mad Dog Athletics for spinning.

AND.... on top of all that, I've been slipping in a few sessions with clients down in my dungeon! Unfortunately those have been very few and far between, what with everything else going on. I spent this evening with Jack, he's been cleaning, and organizing my garages, since about 6pm. I've been cracking a whip every so often, and keeping him motivated. It's now 11pm, and I've just allowed him to go home, and I'm going to go slip into my PJ's -- it's damn cold here tonight!! I have some really nice PINK fleece pj bottoms, and hopefully I can find some big fluffy slippers in one of my closets!! I've actually got NO winter clothes. I have no idea what the hell I did with them. I've hunted all over my house, and can't find a thing - not even my coats!! I've been doubling and tripling my t-shirts when I go out.

SO... what have YOU been up to? Click on comments, and tell me!! I'll plan this weekend on getting some new movies and pictures up on my site - log onto the members area.

Start posting on the forums!! Let's get a new discussion rolling!!