Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I unfortunately do NOT have WI FI access unless I trot downtown to the library (I'm trying to avoid starbucks, because I'd pile on a pound a week drinking those raspberry frappachinos) and it's always filled with little 12 year old gangs of giggling schoolgirls. There's just something about writing in my blog surrounded by children that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
I've been spending all my time reading about the history of the United States - quite a short read on all angles, and watching Mad Money with Jim Cramer. I now own some stocks in Caterpillar, and wish I'd had enough money to buy Apple.
I have to drive back up to MD in about 10 days to finalize some stuff with my house, and can't wait to see my friends - on one hand I'm very independant, and love being on my own, but I don't think I actually have ever CRAVED company, like I'm currently craving it.
SO, that's about it - keep sending me email - firstname.lastname@example.org
Saturday, March 17, 2007
But the lawyers cancelled, and the man whose buying my house is going to Sierra Leon for a few weeks so it looks like I'm not going anywhere much before April 15th.. but then look out.. I'm probably coming to a town near you.
I'm actually going to try out Raleigh NC, South Carolina, and Florida to look for a new place to live, and set up shop as a dominatrix again. SO, it would have to be secluded like this place. If I don't see what I'm looking for there, I'm thinking Las Vegas, Colorado, or even northern CA. Any other suggestions?
Can you believe it's 2.30pm on St Patricks day??? I've not gotten out of bed yet. I've been masturbating into panties like crazy... (why you say?) for one, everytime I cum, it puts me to sleep for a little while.. and I needed to get some sleep so I can go out and party the night away in Baltimore.
Secondly, I've just joined up on this fun meetup group that Nichole & some of her other girlfriends started, and she's doing this thing where these guys have to worship and wear our panties for the night, so tonight when we meet these guys, who've paid for our cum soaked panties on paypal.... I'm supposed to have them with me..... (only I've been busy, so I have to cum in at least 3 more pairs to give away tonight).
Confusing I know... but i have some fun ideas for them, involving high heels, panties in their mouth as gags, and a cane.. (BTW - my mailing list is not the list to sell canes on... who are you anyway??? How can you possibly sell a cane for $1? I pay almost $100 for my canes).
Thirdly, have you seen the weather? Which is why my settlement appt got cancelled. It's cold, icy and slippery out there, and I'm hoping it melts or rains before 8pm tonight, otherwise, they're all just going to have to come here, and amuse me.
Oh I am getting a cool scenario in my head, excuse me, while I go masturbate again.. my cunt is literally rubbed raw. I got waxed yesterday, and I've used babyoil on it, it feels so damn good.. silky smooth, and my cum is bubbling out from between my lips.. almost feels like little pop rocks going off down there... VERY HOT.. and interesting...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Just random links, I'm not vouching for them one way or another, but this is what I've been up to tonight, and you *should* BE VERY INTERESTED in anything I'm doing...
I'm also watching Law and Order while surfing. It's made me think. There's so much I want to say, and get off my chest.
I miss professional domination. It's taken me a really long time to come to that revelation. I had to keep so much of me a "secret" that leading a double life got totally exhausting. The problem with excelling at my career of choice was that I became HUGE, bigger than life. My phones rang off the hook, and so many men were clamouring for my affections & attention.
Constantly being *on* and keeping secrets just really made for a lonely existence, even though men were beating down the door to spend time with me.
The connection although sometimes brief depending on the size of the slaves wallet, was still intimate. No matter how hard both parties tried, sometimes intimacy occured. That led to more secrets & filing things away in a tightly locked box.
Several of the men that I essentially had "affairs" with were in high positions of power, and that lead to sneaking around, covert meetings, code names, clandestine phone calls and much, much more.
I even fell madly, deeply in love with a client, and had several fall in love with me.
Talk about complicating lives. I had a brief, very brief marriage. He got out because I was in love with another man, who was paying me for sex, (ok let's call it as it is - I was a sex worker, I 90% of the time got off during a "session" and 99.99999% of the time, my client did too). The client was also married. I left them both, almost simultaneously because I felt guilty as hell. Mostly guilty about hurting a man who in the beginning didn't really know there was a "secret" side to me.
During all of this I explored every aspect of my sexuality. I had girlfriends galore, 3-somes, 4-somes and more... sex with men dressed as women, sex with men who were forced to have sex with other men, wet sex, anal sex, double penetration sex, oral sex, kinky sex, rough sex, phone sex, video taped sex, non-consensual sex, sex, sex and more sex.
In the end, Professional Domination became a job like any other; repetitive, stressful, and sometimes even boring. I was mentally & physically exhausted. That's why I've let my website go way down hill. Every time I'd get the urge to get back into this lifestyle, all the hurt & guilt would come racing back. I'd half heartedly do an update, but anyone who really truly knew me, knows that it paled in comparison to the "other" me.
Writing this has been very liberating, but there's just so much more to get out. I could literally write a book about the last 13 years of my life. Is anyone even interested? Is there anyone even reading this?
The ironic part of all this is that since I've been on Ritalin, I've actually never been more organized, on time, focused, and way less ditzy that I've ever been... I've also been sooooo mellow & less "impulsive" than I normally am!
Blogger has migrated to a new system, which I had to spend hours figuring out before I could even post! What I need most of all is to relieve some stress, and blow off some steam. I'm actually thinking that at the end of February I'm going to take a trip down to North Carolina to look at a few houses, and then to Florida to check out a neighbourhood or two there. Anyone want to show me around?
I'm in desperate need of some relief if you know what I mean ;-) Even talking dirty by phone would work at this point! I've been so horny all week, must be this cold weather doing strange things to my twat!
BTW -- if you are emailing me, make sure you send it to email@example.com -- because my main email address is completely spammed out!!! Oh and I'm watching Dateline right now - this huge fat guy whose handle is twink toilet who wants young boys to piss on him, is crying about how it was all a fantasy. I'm all for fantasy obviously, and pissing on people, BUT, come on... how many of you are actually into underage teens and would get in your car to go meet one?
Oh and I want to know who sent me the book from amazon.com ?? ADD & Organization - I really appreciate it ;-) and would like to at least be able to chat to you in person to say thanks - so send me an e-mail, or post a comment here!
Friday, January 26, 2007
I had an amazing night last Friday with a bunch of new and old girl friends -- I am going to post later in my journal about it tonight, with pictures. I've just spent the last hour looking at the photos - I have to find at least one where I'm not totally naked.
I know that the 3 slaves from that night joined up here, but could you give me an email so that I can add you to my *special* yahoo mailing group? I also want to send you each a copy of the pictures, or have you stop by this weekend and make yourself a copy on cd.
I have updated my "wish list", so the 3 of you can now get me a thank you gift from it, and I appreciate that all of you independantly asked if you could do something special for me.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/12199L92TEYDB/ (I think that's the url - if not, you'll have to go to my website and search for it).... I know I said I'd do it last weekend.... but... it's my perogative!
Sean, I've added Martha Stewarts new home housekeeping book - I suggest you buy that, for yourself - and read it from cover to cover, because I loved your personality, and I'd love to have you around more, but if your washing up skills are anything to go by... well you must suck at other housekeeping duties!!!
It's a shame, because your oral sex skills were pretty damn good... I felt like I'd done hundreds of lunges all day Sat and Sun, and it killed to sit down and stand up!!! Talk about a novel way to work out!!! LOL.
Talking about working out - I really want to get totally cut / ripped again - It's probably going to take a long time, cause as a personal trainer for mostly women who want to lose weight - I haven't done much in the way of strength training with free weights - so you guys will notice that my updated list, focuses around this theme!! LOL.
Oh, and does anyone have adult ADD? I was diagnosed with it when I was in hospital recovering from my dog attack!! Now that I've attended a few support classes, I can't believe I never knew before now!! I just thought I was fucked up!!!
Anyway, I'm on ritalin, and god it really helps me focus and stay on track (hence this post).... ha ha...
OK, well I've got shit to do, and then I've gotta go pop a lunesta so I can get to sleep ;-)
Thursday, January 18, 2007
The gym has held my job open for me, and I am there part time, however, I'm still not able to teach spinning classes because as of yet the flexibility in my hip isn't back. I am working out again with hand weights, and have more of a problem with gripping "smaller" items.. I still don't have full range of motion, but apparantly when the tendons are completely healed, I'll be back to normal! Well as normal as I can be...
My clients have been amazing - people were making me meals, driving me back and forth to the hospital, coming by to walk MY dogs, and doing my laundry!!
I've gained some weight (YUCK) in my mid section, and really miss being energetic. I've gone from burning 4000 cals a day, to eating sometimes more than half that!!
Anyway, it's time for me to dust off my leather thigh high boots, slip on a leather mini skirt & halter top, and practice my whipping skills. I'm ready to return to being a full time pro-domme! There's something about a new year, a new you, and the promise of fuller, more engaging life, to get you motivated. Not to mention coming close to death yet again. When I laid in the hospital, all I could think about was, how for the last two years or more, even though I enjoy being at the gym, I never meant it to turn into this full time job that encompasses all of my time.
I went from being a part time trainer, to getting qualified to teach spinning, and then got certified in a few more strength classes, took on even more clients, and then, was asked to be the director of all the fitness programs at the gym! This meant I had to work out everyone's schedules, keep things fun, and running on time, and do all the other stuff I was doing.
My outside interests (horse riding, domination, sex, dancing, reading, hiking, hanging out with friends, computer time etc.,) all got pushed to the back burner, and because there are not enough hours in the day ~ I never even really gave them a second thought!
I have really really missed doing the website thing - I miss not having that creative part of me come out through my writing, and telling you how, and what you should be doing, to improve yourself as a sexually submissive male, who may or may not be worthy of attention. I miss tapping into that kinky sexual side of me, and relaying all those god awful, but sometimes hilarious dates that I used to go on. I miss sharing some femdom oriented porn with you, and have disks full that I've never got around to posting.
SO... those were my new year "thoughts" or resolutions -- what were yours?