Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I've changed the title twice... you should probably read this post.

Just random links, I'm not vouching for them one way or another, but this is what I've been up to tonight, and you *should* BE VERY INTERESTED in anything I'm doing...

I'm also watching Law and Order while surfing. It's made me think. There's so much I want to say, and get off my chest.

I miss professional domination. It's taken me a really long time to come to that revelation. I had to keep so much of me a "secret" that leading a double life got totally exhausting. The problem with excelling at my career of choice was that I became HUGE, bigger than life. My phones rang off the hook, and so many men were clamouring for my affections & attention.

Constantly being *on* and keeping secrets just really made for a lonely existence, even though men were beating down the door to spend time with me.

The connection although sometimes brief depending on the size of the slaves wallet, was still intimate. No matter how hard both parties tried, sometimes intimacy occured. That led to more secrets & filing things away in a tightly locked box.

Several of the men that I essentially had "affairs" with were in high positions of power, and that lead to sneaking around, covert meetings, code names, clandestine phone calls and much, much more.

I even fell madly, deeply in love with a client, and had several fall in love with me.

Talk about complicating lives. I had a brief, very brief marriage. He got out because I was in love with another man, who was paying me for sex, (ok let's call it as it is - I was a sex worker, I 90% of the time got off during a "session" and 99.99999% of the time, my client did too). The client was also married. I left them both, almost simultaneously because I felt guilty as hell. Mostly guilty about hurting a man who in the beginning didn't really know there was a "secret" side to me.

During all of this I explored every aspect of my sexuality. I had girlfriends galore, 3-somes, 4-somes and more... sex with men dressed as women, sex with men who were forced to have sex with other men, wet sex, anal sex, double penetration sex, oral sex, kinky sex, rough sex, phone sex, video taped sex, non-consensual sex, sex, sex and more sex.

In the end, Professional Domination became a job like any other; repetitive, stressful, and sometimes even boring. I was mentally & physically exhausted. That's why I've let my website go way down hill. Every time I'd get the urge to get back into this lifestyle, all the hurt & guilt would come racing back. I'd half heartedly do an update, but anyone who really truly knew me, knows that it paled in comparison to the "other" me.

Writing this has been very liberating, but there's just so much more to get out. I could literally write a book about the last 13 years of my life. Is anyone even interested? Is there anyone even reading this?

ok, I know this is so not a daily thing

I've had nothing but issues for weeks now. If it's not something around my house, it's getting stranded in the snow at 1am in a parking lot with NO ONE else around, or having my server crash and losing my "life book". The last one is probably the worse. I can't imagine what access, not to mention fucking control of my life the person has who finds it. Every password, login info, bill payment schedule & account #'s, tax stuff, warranty information, business cards & addresses, diary, schedule, to do lists that I've ever made in the last 10 years literally, were in that book. (Actually it was a huge hunking 3 ring binder, that I somehow lost/misplaced).

The ironic part of all this is that since I've been on Ritalin, I've actually never been more organized, on time, focused, and way less ditzy that I've ever been... I've also been sooooo mellow & less "impulsive" than I normally am!

Blogger has migrated to a new system, which I had to spend hours figuring out before I could even post! What I need most of all is to relieve some stress, and blow off some steam. I'm actually thinking that at the end of February I'm going to take a trip down to North Carolina to look at a few houses, and then to Florida to check out a neighbourhood or two there. Anyone want to show me around?

I'm in desperate need of some relief if you know what I mean ;-) Even talking dirty by phone would work at this point! I've been so horny all week, must be this cold weather doing strange things to my twat!

BTW -- if you are emailing me, make sure you send it to msjulie_2001@yahoo.com -- because my main email address is completely spammed out!!! Oh and I'm watching Dateline right now - this huge fat guy whose handle is twink toilet who wants young boys to piss on him, is crying about how it was all a fantasy. I'm all for fantasy obviously, and pissing on people, BUT, come on... how many of you are actually into underage teens and would get in your car to go meet one?

Oh and I want to know who sent me the book from amazon.com ?? ADD & Organization - I really appreciate it ;-) and would like to at least be able to chat to you in person to say thanks - so send me an e-mail, or post a comment here!