Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I've changed the title twice... you should probably read this post.

Just random links, I'm not vouching for them one way or another, but this is what I've been up to tonight, and you *should* BE VERY INTERESTED in anything I'm doing...

I'm also watching Law and Order while surfing. It's made me think. There's so much I want to say, and get off my chest.

I miss professional domination. It's taken me a really long time to come to that revelation. I had to keep so much of me a "secret" that leading a double life got totally exhausting. The problem with excelling at my career of choice was that I became HUGE, bigger than life. My phones rang off the hook, and so many men were clamouring for my affections & attention.

Constantly being *on* and keeping secrets just really made for a lonely existence, even though men were beating down the door to spend time with me.

The connection although sometimes brief depending on the size of the slaves wallet, was still intimate. No matter how hard both parties tried, sometimes intimacy occured. That led to more secrets & filing things away in a tightly locked box.

Several of the men that I essentially had "affairs" with were in high positions of power, and that lead to sneaking around, covert meetings, code names, clandestine phone calls and much, much more.

I even fell madly, deeply in love with a client, and had several fall in love with me.

Talk about complicating lives. I had a brief, very brief marriage. He got out because I was in love with another man, who was paying me for sex, (ok let's call it as it is - I was a sex worker, I 90% of the time got off during a "session" and 99.99999% of the time, my client did too). The client was also married. I left them both, almost simultaneously because I felt guilty as hell. Mostly guilty about hurting a man who in the beginning didn't really know there was a "secret" side to me.

During all of this I explored every aspect of my sexuality. I had girlfriends galore, 3-somes, 4-somes and more... sex with men dressed as women, sex with men who were forced to have sex with other men, wet sex, anal sex, double penetration sex, oral sex, kinky sex, rough sex, phone sex, video taped sex, non-consensual sex, sex, sex and more sex.

In the end, Professional Domination became a job like any other; repetitive, stressful, and sometimes even boring. I was mentally & physically exhausted. That's why I've let my website go way down hill. Every time I'd get the urge to get back into this lifestyle, all the hurt & guilt would come racing back. I'd half heartedly do an update, but anyone who really truly knew me, knows that it paled in comparison to the "other" me.

Writing this has been very liberating, but there's just so much more to get out. I could literally write a book about the last 13 years of my life. Is anyone even interested? Is there anyone even reading this?


Anonymous said...

In answer to your question, I for one read this with great interest and would buy your book. Since I'm married, I feel a little guilt even writing this to you, though it's on such a low level in comparison to what you described. Next I may have enough courage :>) to investigate your phone sex link.

Mistress Julie said...

What's your email address? I haven't still got a phone sex link do I? God I haven't done that in EONS... but it might be fun..

saratoga said...

Mistress Julie-

Yes, I am interested and care. I used to visit your old site. Read of your various comings and goings. Read some of your hot stories.

I'm almost surprised that you're returning to professional domination. It sounded like you had achieved a blended life that you enjoyed.

Hope you find what you seek. And welcome to blogging.



Mark Studdock said...

Wow. I've never met you, but my heart goes out to you. I'm one of those guys on the other side of the business (ie client). I never appreciated the situation you are in.

I do now.

Peace & all good