02/27/97 ‑ I just want to clear up a couple of points for some of you out there.
1) Don't ever send me any e‑mail telling me I was wrong because I took the idiot below to task, who do you think you are, to question anything that I do? Let alone dare to tell me that I can't print or say what I damn well please on MY site. Perhaps there are other sites out there instead of mine that you are better suited to. Find them, and don't ever e‑mail me ever again, both of you know who you are, and take it from me, your e‑mail's will go straight into the trash. I will not put up with behaviour like that from my own slaves, let alone a pair of men that I don't even know. Get a life & steer well clear of mine.
2) I am extremely discreet when it comes to my clients, but time wasters, I have no patience for. I let it go the first time that this person did it, because I realize there are times when something's do come up.. i.e his so called flu. He had at least 3 weeks to think about this, and nobody made him schedule a session with Ms Nichole in the first place. We don't write to you, unless you write to us first. So if you don't have the balls to keep an appt, call us and tell us.
3) If you're not a submissive person, i.e if you're a switch, or a dominant man, don't write us, and don't cruise this site, it's only for submissive males & females & those in between. Definitely do not call me up on a Saturday night and demand that I see you, and then name drop senators & congressmen.. I could care less if you're Prince Philip, I don't want to play with you, and that's my choice. You hassling me, and calling me is not right, nor acceptable. And, if you can't follow the proper procedures that I've laid out for setting up an appointment to begin with, then I WON'T see you. UNDERSTOOD? Your name has also been blacklisted Dr.
4) I expect that when you call me up on the phone and leave me a message, that it's just as discreet & decent as the one you would expect back from me. Don't call me whining, or panting on the phone, leaving me a message to the tune of "Oh Mistress, Goddess, I'm sitting here on my knees just waiting for a call from you, call me back quickly ‑ within 15 minutes" I don't know you, I don't want to hear that ‑ you can leave a normal message that you would leave anywhere else, and do not ever demand that I call you back within 15 minutes. I sometimes don't check my phone messages for days at a time. I totally understand that the little wifey pooh may have gone grocery shopping or is doing the June Cleaver things that these women normally do, but ridiculous time constraints simply do not work for us. If this is something that you have to hide from your wife, and I understand that a lot of you do, there are many little things that you can do, that will discreetly keep it from her. Get a $10/month voice mail ‑ that way I can call you back, and leave a message telling you when I'm generally around the phone, or an alternate way to get in touch. It doesn't ring at your house, and you can call to pick up the messages anytime, from anywhere. You're also not near cardiac arrest every time your home phone rings, hoping that I paid attention to your message to not call after 4pm.... Put a password for Christ sake on your e‑mail account, especially those of you who use AOL. Your mail is stored on your computer (file manager) in the out box till you delete it, or once a week. Your wife can easily log on, and read old outgoing, or incoming mail, without you having the slightest clue that she did. Disable the option to keep old mail on it.
Now, it just so happens that I got a great article sent to me from Bobbi Swan of Our Way Magazine, that Mistress Marie put together and that they both thought would go great with this particular topic. Her sentiments are mine exactly, so pay close attention to this. And, in case you're wondering, Yes I am PMSing.
Rejection by Mistress
Many of you that have read Mistress Marie's columns in recent issues and recognized her as being a splendid writer as well most skilled in Her working with crossdressers. When Patricia stimulated me as Big Sister to discuss problems associated with the "vacuum" that may occur with a submissive becoming so completely subject to his Mistress that his world becomes to crumble if control by Her is severed or cut off. This may occur if the Mistress becomes preoccupied with others, business or personal ‑‑ or off on a trip. It may however, be that the Mistress has lost interest with Her slave. I raised this issue at a delightful Valentine's Day luncheon with Mistress Marie and asked for Her views. As usual, She responded with great zeal. So much, that I was asked to perhaps preface ‑‑ or follow Her discourse with a softening to remind our readers that She is a most gracious, friendly and caring person. Ms. Marie felt Her remarks might make Her to be a mean, stern, old witch. I was well prepared for this and as I received the final draft I found this heading!!
*** Bobbi:On second thought, leave it the way it is. I'm getting tired of being subservient to my submissives..***
So read on and enjoy, better yet, listen carefully my girls and take heed how to better serve your Mistress and receive the attention you yearn for!!!!
Attracting, Pleasing, Serving and Keeping The Attention of a Mistress
Your big sister, Ms. Bobbi, asked me to give some input into an experience several of her little sisters have mentioned: That once you are fascinated by, addicted to, or totally wrapped up in your Mistress, She loses interest, suspends Her attention, or may even actively repulse your services. I laughed because, while this is not a frequent occurrence with me (my screening process is usually strenuous), it is one I have been on the other side of often enough to truly identify with, and sympathize with, the Mistress. Ask an honest question and you get an honest answer. However, you may not like that honest answer. My responses are more suitable to those who have lost or antagonized a professional mistress, but bear considering for any dominant‑submissive relationship. Mistresses, professional or not, end or discourage relationships for the same reasons anyone does: the relationship has become unpleasant, a chore, one‑sided, or an outright nuisance. If She is a good mistress, it is your responsibility to make Her want you. The following describe people I will not see:
You may be dominant when I decide to let You be, Mistress!
First, let's look at a dominant female‑submissive male relationship. If the dominant female considers Herself a life‑style Mistress, She can presumably bear some dissension in the ranks, but not much. Your image of Her is probably one of a loving, demanding czar. If She acts like a czar, and cuts you loose when you don't listen, behave, or follow Her rules, you have only yourself to blame.
See how submissive I can sometimes be!
You think it's perfectly amazing what you are willing to do for your Mistress. Especially if She sees many submissives, you haven't the first clue what the others are willing to do for Her. You may be low girl on the totem pole, bunky. Without a doubt, She finds it tiresome to continually convince you to engage in activities that others participate in willingly and eagerly. She does not want to remind you to give Her the respect She deserves. She doesn't want to spend time repeating anything at all.
Your time is my time, Mistress!
Do you call your Mistress too frequently? (Frequently being Her definition, not yours.) Some Mistresses think once a week is too much. I receive an average of 65 phone calls a day, even though I spend hours on the phone in between. I will be greatly antagonized if you call every day, or worse still, several times a day, to say nothing, or to have me entertain you.
Are you respectful of Her hours? I insist that no one calls me before 11 AM. My phone rings around the clock. My only solution is to turn it off regularly, and I resent this necessity. My stated preference for starting appointments is between 11 AM and 8 PM, and I am regularly nagged into playing earlier or later. I expect a minimum of 24 hours notice before play. Ask me how much I love it when the phone rings and someone says, "May I come over now?"
Also see Case 2: Timeliness, below. Do you bear in mind that your Mistress may have a life? Again, it is often necessary for me to turn off my phone. (I am playing, sleeping, or entertaining vanilla guests. You do leave blatant messages; I never do, nor would most of you want me to.) If you call while the phone is off, or I am out, and call 10 minutes later, and 15 minutes later, I will get rid of you. Your messages are often pseudo‑dominant, rude, or whiny. ("Mistress, if You're there, pick up! " "Mistress, I'll call You back in 5 minutes, will You please pick up?!" " Mistress, why are You mad at me?") . Believe it or not, and no one who sees me seems to believe it, I am infrequently just not in the mood to discuss your fantasies. You get an occasional break from work, I don't.
Actually, when you are insistent that I drop everything and respond to you now, you do make my hobby, my avocation, my joy, seem like work to me. Then I drop you.
Do you practice common courtesy? Do you take the 10 seconds to ask, on the phone, "Did I reach you at a bad time, Mistress?" before launching into your monologue? Maybe my best friend, and her children, are at my elbow. (Don't ask why I would pick up the phone, then, that labels you as completely hopeless.) Maybe I am watching a movie, eating dinner, or on my way out. I do not exist for the sole purpose of being at your beck and call. Practice common courtesy. Do you appreciate the time you are given, or do you come to expect it? I usually make 2‑hour appointments. If I am enjoying myself with the submissive male in question, I will keep him, and continue playing. Recently, I have been ill with bronchial flu. One previous "favorite" made an appointment with me shortly after. I kept him 4 hours. He called the next day to complain that I had "rushed" him out, that he felt we spent "too much time" on one activity. I kept him twice as long as he should have expected, and he had no regard whatsoever either for the fact that I was recuperating, or that the session in question was very expensive for me.
Pay up Mistress, what do you mean, Tribute?
Read this whether or not you are interested in a professional Mistress!
You don't insult me if you question or complain about my fee. On the contrary, I usually am amused, and label you a novice, a user, a sponge, an egotist, non‑submissive, cheap, and as someone who has difficulty maintaining any relationship, unless the woman pays both your ways. Let's see: I provide the location, the refreshments, the toys, the expendables (condoms, lube, gloves, film). Usually I provide the wardrobe, fresh stockings and shoes. You shower here (soap, shampoo, and lotions‑often you demand special brands). I am responsible for the ambiance, (candles, mood‑music, scent), for setting the scene and cleaning up and laundering afterwards. My phone is a major expense. (One "submissive" male out of state became very peeved when I suggested he send a tribute to cover his wanting me to call him regularly.) I shop for my submissives, and frequently gift them with items they need or want. I constantly renew my own wardrobe, toys, and research materials. And I am a lifestyle, full‑time dominatrix. My complete needs must be satisfied by the people I keep myself available for 24 hours a day.
Some time ago, I performed a rather extensive analysis of how much it costs me to see someone. Disregarding rent, utilities and similar "normal living expenses", the answer then was $50. The cost has certainly gone up. So I do laugh when angry "submissives" with low self esteem insist that if I were "really" dominant, if I "really" enjoyed what I do, I would see them for "free". (I should probably treat them to a nice dinner, too, right?)
So, driving in a point: If you are a financial drain on me, I have no use for you whatsoever. I am considerate. If you are not, it is highly unlikely that you are, on the other hand, fun to play with or to be around. Balancing the financial scales is always intelligent.
I am Janie One‑Note, Mistress, and I pick the topic!
When asked why I won't see men under the age of 35, my response is that eventually we must have a conversation, and I can't talk to them. A balanced conversation is usually not a crossdresser's strong point. If you call me, you are probably dressed, and you want to talk about it‑‑about shopping for clothes, trying on clothes, additions to your wardrobe, what you are wearing, where you might find an article, or that you looked for or purchased an item I instructed you to obtain. If we talk about play, you whine that you want me to throw a party, invite my girlfriends, and have you serve. (I don't really need to be reminded of this, actually, ever. I know what you want, that's why I'm good. If I choose to satisfy this desire, it will be on my time table, not yours.) Should I change the subject, even momentarily, off of crossdressing, (I read a good book, saw a good movie, won the lottery, died yesterday), some of you will wait, palpably impatiently, and change the subject back to dressing at the first opportunity, no matter how tenuous the bridge.
I can't talk about anything at all to the complete exclusion of everything else. It gets boring, no matter how much you enjoy the topic. People who cannot chat about a variety of daily events have no relationship, at least not with me.
I'm really submissive, Mistress, I'm just not obedient!
If you are not positively responsive to 98 percent of my orders, usually without question, you won't be around long.
Case 1: Following orders. You call very frequently. In the last call, I said, "I want you to go out and purchase red panties, and be wearing them the next time you call me." The next day, you call, and when prompted (and why did I have to prompt you, anyway?) say you didn't get them, because... I don't need or want to hear the reason. The only pertinent information here is that you did not do what you were told to do. And you didn't have the common sense to put on the purple panties you already own before you called, or to wait to call until you had accomplished what you were told to accomplish.
Case 2: Self‑determination. I blindfold you, and am doing something so interesting that you remove the blindfold yourself while I am occupied, because you "want to see". Actually, this specific example has happened to me only once. I sent him home immediately.
Case 3: Call waiting. You get one chance at messing this one up; I announce my policy after that. My time is valuable, and if your interest is speaking with me until someone better comes along, I don't need you. If you are expecting an important call, then don't call me to pass the time while you're waiting for it. I don't play second string. Call waiting is extremely rude for any reason other than receiving emergency calls from stranded children. Put me on hold and you will never speak to me again.
Case 4: Listening. One of my pet peeves is the improper use of the verbs can and may. "Can I?" means Am I able to? "May I?" means Am I permitted to? Can I remove this blindfold? and May I remove this blindfold? are two entirely different questions. I don't like explaining simple rules once, and I certainly don't like explaining them ten times a session. (No imperative sentences. Use Please and Thank You and Yes, Mistress. Don't leave my toilet seat up‑especially if you're dressed. Don't do anything without asking, properly, for permission.) If what I like is important to you, then you will listen. And if you don't listen, I will drop you.
I know You're discreet Mistress, but You can tell me!
I have difficulty finding a submissive male to carry on a continuing, close relationship with for one of two reasons:
1) Half are threatened by, jealous of, or uncomfortable with the fact that I will continue to play with other submissive males.
2) Half are extremely pruriently interested in my activities with other submissive males. Both of these behaviors are frequently exhibited by most submissive males I do see. I understand that I maintain a lifestyle about which you are curious. However, I don't ask to see your W‑2, and you shouldn't ask me how many men I see on any given week. The response will be "None of your business." If you have any class at all, at least by that point you understand that you have asked for very personal financial information. (Remember the movie "Giant", where Rock Hudson thought it was uncouth to state the number of acres in his ranch?) You are curious about other people's tolerances. My personal opinion is that, if you can take 3 seconds of hot wax, and you manage 4, you have done better than your best for me. To me, this is exactly as good as someone who can take an hour of hot wax, and manages an hour and 5 minutes. Neither of you is better. You are not in competition with each other. Maybe you take more weights, or have prettier legs. You are in competition only with yourself. If I mention that Susie‑Q can do whatever, I am not announcing it as a standard, as a goal, or as anything at all but a curiosity.
I am by nature cautious, discreet, and reticent. I love what I do, and will discuss activities without particulars. If I find you responding jealously, or asking for intimate names and details, I will be repulsed. If you put yourself in competition with others' "achievements", I will be alarmed. If you treat me as if I were your own personal 1‑900 experience, I will be insulted. Regardless of how much fun you are, I will drop you.
Change Yourself to suit me, Mistress!
It is, after all, possible that your Mistress realizes your interests do not coincide. I love crossdressers. I also love administering pain. I can occasionally tolerate a dresser who desires stroking only, but I am neither going to allow that submissive to dictate to me, nor force that submissive into activities he will certainly not enjoy. I will gently suggest he keep looking.
Forgive my odor, Mistress, may we proceed?
If you haven't found yourself in any of the above, we will consider the elementary necessities. There used to be a mouthwash commercial, "Even your best friend won't tell you". Mistresses are, after all, human beings. Some of your bad behaviors are so basic, it seems useless to correct you for them. If you don't know better by now, you'll never learn.
Case 1: Cleanliness. Would you go to your doctor for a thorough exam without bathing, shampooing, putting on fresh clothes? Does your doctor inspect you as thoroughly as your Mistress does? Even those who exhibit immaculate hygiene can be offensive, particularly with odors. I personally hate greasy or sticky hair. If your Mistress commonly uses a dildo on you, She expects and appreciates cleanliness. She does not relish a bag of clothes you have used strenuously before bringing them to see Her. If it is necessary for me to be more graphic on this topic, your hygiene is likely the reason She lost interest.
Case 2: Timeliness. If you make an appointment to see me, and can't make it, chances are good that I can substitute for you, given adequate notice. It never ceases to amaze me that submissive males are surprised when I raise their fee after they stand me up. (Most of my friends will not make an appointment with them again if they do so.) If they cancel twice on short notice, I require their fee be delivered at least 24 hours in advance of our play. Some submissives arrive hours late, some very early. Any additional cancellation, stand up, or costly or inconvenient behavior results in my refusing to see them or to talk to them again. I am lenient. They are thoughtless, rude, and costly.
Case 3: Personality. Face it, precious, you may be an oaf. I am, personally, non‑judgmental. I don't appreciate bigotry in those around me. Crossdressers may not lambaste foot fetishists anymore than any one at all is allowed to criticize crossdressers. I don't want to hear racial, religious, or any other intolerance or slurs. I don't appreciate pomposity in any form, particularly not from a submissive male.
Case 4: Losers. After all, who would want you around? If you have no friends, there's probably a reason, but you'll never recognize yourself in this list: Whiners, Hypochondriacs, Doom and Gloomers Braggarts, Habitual Liars, The Terminally Coy or Self‑Important Drug Users/Addicts/Alcoholics The Secretive‑You get my name, home address, and phone number. I get a pseudonym. Petty Thieves‑I know what's missing when you leave; I know you intentionally short‑changed me; I know you did not accidentally pack my items with yours. Ask, if you want a souvenir. Ask beforehand if you are "a little short today".
If all else fails, may I punt, Mistress?
If you have been let loose by a particular Mistress, She is the best source for the reason behind Her action. Why not ask? My guess is, She'll tell you.
In summary, there are many reasons a Mistress may choose to put distance into, or lose interest in, a relationship. Most involve a major lack of consideration on the submissive's part. Mistresses are not usually reticent about their desires. As a submissive, it is your responsibility to listen, then change, adapt, accommodate, or move on.
A personal note: I missed writing for you girls last month. The flu lasted 5 weeks, and is mercifully, history. Thankfully, it held off hitting me till after my birthday. Ms. Bobbi arranged a wonderful birthday lunch. Take your vitamins, get your rest, and stay healthy!
Love to You All,
Bless you Ms. Marie for another fine article ‑‑ and one that we should all take heed. That's me too!!! ‑‑ for one of the things I abhor most is leaving the toilet seat up. And yes, I did that when I was fussing about the day I took Her to the birthday lunch. I have been told how I will pay for that mishap!!! Ms. Bobbi
I will second that, please take careful note of all of these points, because any good Mistress will feel exactly the same way. You are here to serve us, not waste our time, cost us money, or cater to you. I couldn't have said this much better myself. I don't think that you understand how much time and effort we put into each of you, sometimes there's just no more left to give. This was the case with Brandon.
Our e‑mail addresses are still not working as Michael (the ex‑provider) is dicking us around big time. It really pisses me off, especially as he's paid up through till the 10th of March, and should still be providing me with service. I wish I knew a lawyer who could send him a threatening letter!! And one to my dealership, for my piece of crap car, that has leaked constantly since I bought it, and that has had a mountain of problems since I drove it out of the showroom. Don't ever buy a Camero. Take it from me,. please they are pieces of junk!
By the way, We're not taking any appts on March 7th after 6pm, as we're going to see Howard Stern's Movie, Private Parts!!
God I'm in a great mood am I not? I think I'm going to go take a nice long hot shower, and chill out for about half an hour... then perhaps if I feel like it, I'll add some new stories for you all to read & salivatate over!!
OK, well I've somewhat chilled out, thank god my next appt is with a real masochist, who just love's having the absolute shit beat out of him, this pain slut has no limits what‑so‑ever as I'm constantly breaking them!!! He has it marked in his calendar when my period should be starting, and has a long standing appt booked with me. I hope I'm only grumpy for another day or so, and then I'll start bleeding profusely, then it'll be all over!! Thank heavens for that!!