Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Wedding plans...

Well, I've been a bridesmaid now way more than 3 times... and here I go yet again.... Am I destined to the life of a spinster?? Another of my good friends is getting hitched, and she has enlisted my help -- my friends think I'm Martha Stewart, in leather, and are constantly enlisting my help at either decorating, fixing their men up, throwing parties, or whipping them into shape (like 2 weeks before a huge event). Perhaps I should have another career as some kind of life coach. For a while, every free moment I had was spent taking their men shopping for clothes, or a new "do", or a lesson on gift buying, or hustling them into spinning class, followed by a long round of weights.

A few men at the gym, or via friends of friends, have begged me to "escort" them to boring work related functions, or help them spruce their homes up -- is there really that big of a need for "hiring" a pretend girlfriend?

I did actually go out with this guy Brian, who has faithfully come to every single one of my spin classes since I started teaching -- to be honest, in the beginning I thought he was gay and in serious need of a makeover. After a while I went for coffee with him, and found out that he's VERY shy, but is almost about to be made partner at a CPA firm in town, who entertain a lot. He's avoided as many of these events as he possibly can, but now the other partners are really pushing the "what's up with you" line to the max. After much beating around the bush, I finally realised he was asking me, if he could pay me to go with him (no funny business) and pretend to be his girlfriend.

I am usually the girl who is up for most things, and my life is very rarely dull, so I accepted, but I told him that first I had to see his wardrobe. This was a Saturday, and I had the whole afternoon to mess around. He also offered me a very substantial hourly fee, to include the makeover. I followed him back to a very nice home in the burbs, that really lacked a woman's touch -- and also made me realise, he's not gay. Gay guys generally have great style & a flair for interior design. He had neither.

He was very nervous as he took me up to his bedroom - it was quite funny. I decided nanny mode would be best for him, and lead him firmly to the closet. Oh my god... this guy needed serious help. Any wonder he didn't have a girlfriend. I've only ever seen him in cycle clothing - everything in his closet looked like it had been purchased by his mother, and his great aunt Hilda. The dinner & coctail thing was going to be the following Saturday night at the Ritz Carleton. I went into his bathroom and his grooming supplies consisted of (I kid you not) arm and hammer deodrant, VO5 shampoo, and some hideous white soap that smelt like tar/paint remover. I grabbed my keys, and told him to come along.

I spent the entire afternoon at Tysons Corner Mall, and got him some great casual stuff at American Eagle Outfitters, Express & Abercombie & Fitch. For nice evening wear I took him to Brooks Brothers, Nordstroms and Armani Exchange. We literally shopped till we were ready to drop. He tried on hundreds of pieces of clothing & was a great sport about all of it. After making some quick purchases at Sephora, The Body Shop, and L'Occitane for his grooming needs, I then drove him out to Bethesda to meet my hair stylist (whom I had begged to fit us in as his last appt for the day & promised to make it worth his while, had actually agreed... it takes me 8 weeks in advance to see him).. Brian had kinda non-descript hair, in no actual style, and used no products on it. He got an awesome cut, nose hair removal, and a shave that left a little stubble, and made him look kinda hot. I was shocked!
It was 8pm and I was starving as we left the salon. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and was getting a little "testy". Brian suggested that we go to a family owned grill near his house, and realizing I had nothing else to do, I agreed. Brian really doesn't know anything about me besides the fact that I'm the group exercise director at the gym, a trainer, and I teach spinning. He asked if I'd ever done anything like this before, and I had to admit that in some ways, yes I had... I didn't elaborate and say that I usually took men shopping at V.S and dressed them up as women, for my own amusement, but I did tell him that several of my friends have enlisted my help in making over their own men, or friends of friends. We actually had a really nice meal together, and I asked lots of questions, so I could be a more "realistic" girlfriend the following Saturday night. I jotted down some notes - about his sister, his family, and the people he worked with, and I asked him what his idea girl would look like. He told me he's always had a thing for blondes, and seamed stockings!!

I'll let you know how his pretend date goes this Saturday... Monday this week, I came down with some allergy kinda thing - my head has been pounding, I can't sleep, and I feel "funny", but can't really describe it. I'm feeling a tad better today. However, I've been on the phone with a wedding planner, setting up an appointment to get together with her to go over certain things I know my friend will really want, and try to lower her rate. The lady in question is foreign (LOL) and it will make for an interesting evening. After the meeting tonight, I'm going home and having a huge bubble bath with a glass of wine -- I deserve it. Bring on those 400+ calories.

Would you "hire" someone to help you?


Anonymous said...

I really hope you have a great time!

I'm sorry to have to ask, but do you teach hand spinning, such as in spinning wool for weaving or knitting?

Anonymous said...

Oh never mind - I think I figured it out - spinning is cycling? Well, one cannot know what to expect of you. It isn't completely impossible to imagine that you would be a wool enthusiast.