Been a long time, Stranger...

Shit.  Almost 5 years have gone by, but as always the urge strikes when I least expect it.  I am still in Columbia, Maryland, and I've tried being good, but being bad seems to be what I'm best at.

I have no idea how to use this new blogger format, but I'd love to hear from some blasts from the past!  My email is still MsJulie_2001@yahoo.com and you can follow me on twitter (where I lurk a lot, but intend to get back to my bitchy, vocal self very soon.)

Guess I'll check and see if I even still have a yahoo group!  New resolutions and all... one being to meet more date-able men, oh yeah, and more beat-able men.

Cheers!  See ya later!  

Getting Released.

I'm getting released from rehab on Wed. To say I can't wait is an understatement, although I have to admit that it's a bit scary too. I'm going to move in with Nichole and take it day by day until I finish outpatient therapy. Thanks again to all who posted a comment.

It's going...

Well I've been in rehab for well over 30 days, and I'm staying officially for a full 60 days. Nov 20th is my release date.

I didn't realise that I was quite so fucked up. Thank you to all of you who sent in comments via my blog. They really help cheer me up, and make me realise that I can do this.

The last two or three weeks have definitely been harder, when I first came in, they'd give me half dosages of the pills that I was regularly taking, but then it was done. That's when the mood swings, depression, shakes, the aches, the headaches, runny nose, and the vomiting really started.

I'm not quite sure how I went from this happy go lucky, party girl, to this completely screwed up pill addict. I seem to have swapped one addiction for another. I'm glued to the tv now about this whole upcoming election. It's just so exciting. I'm waiting on the Obama commercial coming up in moments.

I've had to keep a written journal - that's so much harder for me than typing, however, as they make me delve deeper, it's been kinda scary, insightful, and plain fucked up, when I've had to read it back a week later.

Nichole has been visiting me a lot, and taking part in a lot of therapy sessions with me. My family also flew in last week and spent an entire week doing rehab with me. That was enough to make me want to kill myself for getting into this situation. When your dad looks at you, and shakes his head, and tells you he's very, very disappointed in you, well that makes every little girl just shake in her boots.

Please keep posting comments ;-) I really appreciate it.

Ugghh..

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Fucked up.

So, I've been a bit out of control lately. I don't think working or hanging out at strip clubs is in my best interests. I've developed a liking for too much booze and too many drugs. Prescription drugs, coke, weed, X, pretty much it's all available in large amounts, and I don't seem to have an off switch.

I think forcing myself to write all this stuff down will help.

I'm fucking up every relationship I've ever had. My family has lost all respect for me and are this close to doing an intervention. Today is day 2 drug free, but I'm not sure I can do it on my own. When I look in the mirror I don't see a difference in my looks, but my friends tell me that I'm starting to look worse for wear, and even looked better when I was doing chemo. Now that's a shock.

Nichole moved back in, and then within days moved back out. I don't blame her. Her husband and I got in a huge fight on Wednesday night, and she had to drive home to break it up. He took offense to me having drug dealers at the house. I guess if I was clean and sober, I'd see his point.

I've fucked up our house having huge parties & she's the one who gets to come over and fix it all up. I've really got to grow the fuck up. I'm 37 and act like I'm 17.

I can't have a serious relationship with anyone, because as soon as we start to get close, I freak out and book out of there faster than a speeding bullet.

Nichole..

Where to start.. Nichole we're cousins & I miss you. I'm godmother to your children & I haven't seen them or you in over a year. I know that I was shitty and out of order, and I totally should NOT have done what I did. There's 6 of us, and you & I are the only two out of the whole family who are freaking normal. There's so much to tell you, and I want you to unblock my email handles so that I can send you a proper email. I don't really want to type it all out in a blog.

I'm in the process of adopting my youngest sisters child (and last I heard she was dancing at The Gentleman's Gold Club in Balt)... but I took him away from her when he was a baby, and I haven't sold the house but we really need to talk about it. The other sister is currently back home with dad, and bro is in Barcelona for the summer.

I'd love you to come by the club, when I'm not training I'm in my office, and we really really really need to sort everything out. Are you home for good? Are you here by yourself? Have you talked to your sister? Where are you living? Love you Jules.